Friday, December 10, 2010

Woman finding relief by talking

Men as if by nature usually resist when women start talking to them about their problems and assume that the opposite sex is holding them responsible.
Actually the male did not realize that female will feel relief, better and will appreciate if being attentive to listen when talking to him.
Why men do not want to listen when women talk?
Because when the female is upset, male assume that she is blaming him and if less upset the assumption will be seeking advice.
Normally what happen is, when women ask for advice it means men have to solve the problems.
If men assume she is blaming him then he had to draw up his defense to protect from attack.
Female would just love to continue talking more and more problems when male provide solution after solution trying to make them feel better.
Men will feel rejected and unappreciated if women after receiving solutions still do not feel good or better.
At such, do you think the male will like to listen to female talk?
It is normal, when women start attacking; men will defend by explaining without realizing it is not the explanations required, instead she want him to understand her feelings.
Such actions will make the female more upset, so if the opposite sex is wise, just listen first allow her to complain later on she will change the subject.
But women must not bring up problems that men cannot solve, because it will make them frustrated and will heat up ending in argument.
Smart female can always use diplomatic approach.
It can be expressing their worries, frustrations and disappointments, letting him to understand it are merely to feel relief.
Too many details in the women talk will also make men impatient because they will assume she is pushing for immediate solution.
In addition, male always look for the bottom line and the outcome otherwise he cannot formulate solution, so she must try to simplified details in her talk.
There is way to avoid making men frustrated is to give advance outcome of the complaint and provide details later.
Do not keep him in suspense although most female love letting suspense build because it can create more feeling in their story.
It will be alright to do so with other women but not for men, it makes them feel frustrated.
It will be wise, if the male can tolerate to listen to her complains, so that she can feel being cared, supported and understood with ease.
Furthermore, if men learn more how to fulfill a woman by emotional support, he will discover that listening to her talk is not so difficult after all.
Critically, it is more important that women must remind that men are not blamed or have to solve their problems.
But just wish to talk in order to feel relief and good.
Such understanding will make men more relax to listen to women talk.
For both partners to live together in peace, it must make to understand and respect individual natural differences.
It mean men must understand that women release their tension by openly talk and she also must realise he need to go in retreat to cope stress.

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Thursday, December 9, 2010

Men finding relief in their retreat

When men feel stressful, what they do is to make a retreat for his mind to focus upon their most difficult problems.
While focusing on how to solve their problems, they temporary lose awareness of everything that surround them even responsibilities fade into the background.
Especially at home they tend to become forgetful, make distant from family, unresponsive because they are too preoccupied and focused on their difficult – to – solve - problems.
At such stress gripped period, they may even be incapable to pay their normal attention to their wives and neglect husbandry duties because he is powerless to release the problems.
Men need a transition with only 5% left and 95% of their mind stuck with finding solutions.
Therefore they will try to create some activities like watching world news or hoping their favorite sport team can win the game. 
This process may help to sway their problems away temporary until solutions are found that will release the stressful grip.
Once released from tension and stress, it will become normal and back to their same old self to focus on family matters.
So, once again, men always find their own ways to release their stress rather than discussing with others to ask for solutions.
But do not forget, women who were neglected, ignored, no communication, no laughter, no normal lovely gestures and inattentive at home, how would they react?
Obviously, it will be difficult to accept such behaviors, but they are not to blamed because it were not make known to them how serious is the problem.
If the male will to express, discuss and talk about all their problems, the female can be more compassionate.
By the face expression, they know that men are having some kind of problems.
But without any idea about the problem women can mistakenly feel that their man is not caring or loving them anymore.
And they will feel that men are not open enough to talk about problems which they always do when encountering with problems.
This hurt the women’s feelings and they will start to resent and resist harshly demand their rights with the uncaring and inattentive men.
On the other side, how can female expect their problem riddled male to be instantly responsive and be lovingly?
It is just alike, will it being unrealistic to expect upset women to remain calm, be rational, be logical and come to their sense?
Well, at such situations, this can really stir and spark up troubles once men start to defend their behaviors.
Now, if women can correctly understand the reaction, this is men’s coping stress mechanism.
Instead keep counting on behaviors and by co-operating and resisting women will get what they expect.
Similarly, what if men can realize their behaviors and reactions while suffering stress which can affect their relationship?
They should practice compassion and narrate their present difficulties to release further tensions.
Male must remember ignoring the female invite troubles to cause frictions.
Because women will take it personally although coping stress in retreat is helpful but will not help her to alleviate the pain.
It is important for men to validate women’s feelings and needs to understand’ about her right.
She has the right to mention about feelings of being ignored and unresponsive just as men has their own right to retreat without talking.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

How men cope with their stress

Men usually when get upset do not like to talk about what is bothering them.
They will try at all stances not burden their friends or family rather stay put to solve their problems, unless it is necessary otherwise he will plan a retreat privately.
At his private retreat, he will probably pound over how to look for solutions to eradicate his bothering problems.
It is only when solutions been found, and then the male will crawl from their private retreat with much better feelings.
If men are unable to find the solutions that required solving their problems, they tend to look for some other activities to disengage his mind temporary.
And if the stress is too great they may look for more exciting thrills or challenging activities to disengage the mind to make them feel temporary relax until those problems are solved.
On the other side, when women become upset or feel stressed by their daily routines or workload either at home or office, what will they do?
They would probably seek to call their trusted and reliable friends or family members to talk about their problems in details.
Differently, when women share their feelings of being overwhelmed, funny enough, they will feel better and relax.
Practically, for the female to share her problems is not shameful and not classified as a burden, instead it is considered as a sign of love and trust.
Women’s ego is dependent on looking competent but more favor in loving relationships.
They love to be open sharing their feelings of confusion, hopeless, overwhelmed and exhausted.
Now the different feelings clearly defined that men feels better and good when they solve their problems in confinement.
Women will feel better and relax when they shared their problems openly with their loyal lovely friends or family members.
This natural phenomenon of feeling good is common and applicable in every relationship.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Stress Talk

Both sexes have much difference in coping with stress they accumulated in their daily lives which is unavoidable in the human world.
The difference is men can become increasingly focused and withdrawn to their shell, while women will increasingly overwhelmed and getting more emotionally involved.
Male by nature feel better in solving their problems while the opposite sex likes to talk about problems to make them feel good.
If both sexes do not understand each another well and to accept these differences will create frictions to their relationship which may cause separation later on.
Typically, let us define how the differences can cause painful events by looking into the common happening.
Jim comes home looking tired and stress will want to sit quietly at one corner to read newspaper because of his unsolved problems and try to find relief to temporary forget them.
Jane at the same time also want to feel relax from her stressful day but wish to relief by talking about her problems she is facing.
At such situation, tension can grow between them, because Jim found Jane is talking too much and feels uneasy to listen to them as his problems are not solve yet.
Jane, while talking receive no response or getting negative reply will start to feel that she is being ignored by Jim, so here is how often fire can spark off.
So the misunderstanding start to begin because they did not know the differences between the two opposite sexes thus will cause them to drift apart.
Such situations are very common and is recognize, it happen to almost every relationship that are at odds.
To solve the problem between Jim and Jane does not only depend on how much they love each another.
But is how much they get to understand their natural differences and the understanding in order to prevent further relationship being torn apart.

It Is Wonderful To Be Understanding

If male and female understand the differences between them, they will not make mistakes that can hurt or offend the relationship thus improving their cohabitation as husband and wife.
Men must not offer unsolicited solutions to solve problems without listening to the opposite sex.
Women must not offer unsolicited advice or constructive criticism to make men feel inferior.
The above mentioned mistakes do not mean that everything is wrong with both sexes because these are very positive attributes in life; it is just the right approach or wrong timing.
The female will greatly appreciate when male listen to their problems when they are upset and not to offer solutions instantly.
But just talk about it, then gradually women will feel better unlike mechanical things, you need to fix and repair.
Men alike will greatly appreciate when women refrain from pressing for improvement, giving unsolicited advices or heavy criticism which can make them feel unloved and being controlled.
They would love her acceptance but not her advice in order to learn from their mistakes.
Once men feel that she is not forcing him to improve, they are more likely turning back for feedback and solicited advice.
Knowing the differences will make it easy to be more supportive, respecting each another’s sensitiveness.
And in addition to this we are able to identify why our partner resist us and to avoid making mistakes in wrong approach and timing.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Listening To Each Another

Truthfully speaking, if men do not understand that women are different, a lot matters can get out of hand or making it worse.
What men have to remember is women like to talk about problems to get closer relationship and not necessary seeking for solutions.
Do you know that women love to or want to share her day?
But men normally want to help his spouse often interrupt the conversation with an offer of solutions to her problems, just ignoring whether she is pleased or not at times.
Let us think, for an example;
Jane goes to work than comes home look exhausted with too much job and needs to share her feelings of the day.
She will just say, “Oh! There is too much workload and left no more time for myself”.
Than her husband, Jim exclaimed “well leave the job, if you find it so tough and seek for others that you like”.
Jane replied, “but I love this job, it is just they are expecting and pushing too much work with very short notice”.
Jim says, “Why should you accept so much work, just do what you can, and that is all”.
Jane replied, “I am just doing that, ah I even forget to call my sick cousin and she is expecting me”.
Jim says, “Well! Do not worry too much; she will understand you are working”.
Jane replied, “Not to worry, that is what you say, do you know that she is sick and she needs me”.
Jim says, “It is just because you worry too much and makes you unhappy all the time”.
Jane relied, “I am not unhappy. Why are you not listening to what I say?”
Jim says, “Who say I am not listening?”
So after this conversation between this couples, Jane become more frustrate actually she is seeking intimacy and companionship.
Jim, also felt uneasy and frustrated too but had no idea actually what went wrong because his is trying to offer the problem solving tactics that did not work out well.
So, it was Jim who did not understand about Jane’s feelings and try to offer unsolicited solutions without listening which make the situation goes wrong.
But women is just the opposite, they will not offer solutions while someone is talking instead will honor to listen patiently with empathy which is to truly looking to understand the other’s feelings.
Now, what if Jim listen with empathy to allow Jane express her feelings that of course, will bring forth tremendous relief and will not hurt both party’s feelings.
The situation will be like this;
Jane comes home exhausted and tired and would say, Oh! “There is so much for me to do at the office and have no extra time left”.
Jim looking relaxes and says, well! “Sounds like you are having a tough day”.
Jane relied, ‘they expect me to finish everything within a short notice and I do not know what to do”.
Jim says, “Oh, no they should not push you too much”.
Jane replied, “I even forget to call my cousin who is sick”.
Jim says, “So sorry to hear that”.
Jane replied, ‘she really needs me now, and I feel so bad about it”.
Jim hearing this move forward and give Jane a kiss and says, “You are such a caring and lovely person”.
Then, Jane feel relax in Jim’s cuddle and says, “I love talking to you because you listen to my problems and thanks, I really feel better now”.
In such conversation both party will feel better and Jim was amazed to see the result of listening first without giving any solutions or remark.
With the awareness of their differences, Jane also realized and learned the lesson of letting it go with acceptance and not to offer unsolicited advice or heavy constructive criticism anymore.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Female Values

Female on the other hand also have different values which consist of love, beauty care, and relationship, feelings and spouse communication spending a lot of time in nurturing, helping and supporting with one another.
Their sense of self is mostly through feelings, quality of relationship and love experience fulfillment through relating with sharing nature.
Women reflects upon these values rather than thinking of being involve in what men value most in outdoor activities, sports, ambitious career, goals and achievements in life.
They are in most ways is opposite to men because women are more concerned in harmony, family matters, community and loving co=operation.
To most women relationship is more important than technology, business or work and love to dress up accordingly to their feelings.
The female may even because of their personal expression and feelings change their outfits numerous times a day just to be comfortable at heart.
Their primary importance is communication but to share her feelings is far more important than just achieving business success and goals.
Narrating events, exchange of conversation and relating is considering another source of great fulfillment.
As for men it is hard to comprehend, he may get closer to understand a woman’s experience of talking, sharing and relating and to compare him rather want to win a race or achieve his goals.
Between the two sexes, men are more goals oriented whereas women are just concern about being relationship oriented but both are also will express their love, goodness and care.
Now, read the difference between male and female values; when two men go to lunch, what will they discuss?
It will be something like discussing on closing a business deal or things regarding about their personal goals.
When two women go to lunch, what will they talk about?
They will take it as an opportunity to nurture a relationship, giving supportive advice, very openly, intimate, shopping, narrating their family affairs or rather behave like a therapist discussing with clients.
Female are gifted in psychology and counseling because being very involved in personal growth, spirituality and everything that nurture life and healing.
Throughout the centuries, women are very intuitive and have developed this ability in anticipating the needs of others.
They pride on being considerate of needs, requirements and feeling of others also often offer help with assistance to others without request.
To a woman giving and receiving help is not a sign of weakness and proving one’s competence is not important by their nature.
A man will in difference, when a woman offer help or assistance, it seems that she does not trust he has the ability to make the fulfillment.
Whereas, for the female they have no conception of the male sensitivity, when someone offer help is just like adding value which make her feel loved and cherished.
When a woman loved her man, she will somehow give advices, suggestions because it is their nature is to improve things.
To most women, when offering advice, strong constructive criticism and looking for more space of improvement is an act of their love to her man,
Men are different, when his spouse tries to make improvement for him, it will be neither ignored or feel humiliated in a way and mistakenly thinks she is just assisting him to grow.
As for the female without this insight into the male’s nature will very easy unknowingly and unintentionally offends and hurts her most beloved man.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Males Values

Men value more on power, efficiency, competency and achievement and often performing to prove them while at the same time will develop and show off their power and skills.
The male sense of self is defined through their ability and experience to achieve success, accomplishment with proven results and makes men the dominant party.
Everything in the men’s world is a reflection of the mentioned values even in their working life, dress up and interest.
More than often men are interested and concerned with outdoor activities, objects and favorite things rather than about people and feelings.
They seldom read romantic, people’s life magazine or self-help books but will be delighted with news, racing, fishing, technologies or more fantasies to lighten up their lifestyles.
Men are more preoccupied with matters like gaining power and creating results in achieving their goals.
In practice, they love to achieve goals by themselves because it is very important for him to prove his competence which makes him feel good.
It is their pride because other people cannot achieve for them and to them autonomy is a symbol of power, efficiency and competence.
This is the reason why men refused and resist women to correct them in their customized way of conduct.
Offering unsolicited advice may that they know nothing or nor capable in handling their problems.
He is very sensitive in this case because competence is so important to them.
Men always think alike, “When I can handle things myself why seek advice and assistance from other people” because asking help is perceived as a sign of weakness.
Male counterpart will only seek advice upon invitation because they keep things to themselves and while another man will feel honored if given the opportunity to provide advice.
Whereas, men usually give advice to their wife who actually wanted to discuss about problems and not merely asking for men’s offered solutions.
But men give advice is because they thought that this is the way to show love trying to help which hopefully will make his wife feel better and he is useful to her.
So the differences and misunderstanding comes in which the wife is not accepting or asking for solutions but needs to solve her upset problems and when this happen the men will feel increasingly useless because his solutions are rejected by her.
Practically, women want men to just listen with empathy, interest and be supportive at all times, nor inviting men to provide just a solution.

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Thursday, November 25, 2010

Complaints between Men and Women

Most women will complaint about their man trying to ignore or not listening while talking and explaining their requirements.
Men do not listen but will try to please their woman by offering a solution instead and expect the women to appreciate this gesture of love.
But the men do not understand because the women want empathy not solutions and want him to listen and do as she wants it to be.
On the other hand, men frequently complain that she is trying to change his ways or even controlling all situations.
Whereas, when women love their men, it is normal to feel the responsibility to assist and nurturing him in doing the best of everything in the so call right order or decision.
Woman will try to form an improvement environment, so obviously the man will become her focus.
Waiting for opportunity she will insist and persist to help in all aspect even telling him what to do or not to do.
Although she feels she is nurturing him but whereas man will feel like being in control by her and want her acceptance instead.
So both men and women alike want the acceptance in whatever they offer to each another thus is the cause of differences.
Can the differences and problems be solved?
Yes, if we look into why men only offer solution to her and why women keeps insisting only on improvement.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Is Love Eternal?

Romance and falling in love is a magical moment but does it last forever?
Most of us are naive to believe that we can be exempted from family problems that our parents faced, free from all odds and will be destined to live happily ever after.
But in reality, when the magical moment recedes and daily chores takes over in our life than differences will surface such as the male will expect the female to react, behave and think alike while the female will also expect the male to behave like her.
Further to that, both sexes will start to demand, command, intolerant, resentful and judgmental.
With the differences, even the best intention to love, love will silently dies off as problems accumulate in form of; lack of communication; resentment build up; increase of mistrust; rejection of demand will end up with repression.
Then both men and women will start to scratch their heads to seek answers for questions like;
How did it happen?
Why it happen?
When did it happen?
What makes it happen?
Where did we make it happen?
The answer to the above questions lay within our physical mind thus developing most brilliant and complex philosophical and psychological modes which happens to all wedded couples.
Thousands and millions of people are still searching for the right partner to experience the so call special loving feelings.
Yet, most couples cannot find those lovely feelings and at the end painfully separated.
As for those who can sustain their love long enough will be married but the others that cannot sustain their love will not be able to fulfill.
Some couples will stay together maybe out of obligation and do not wish to restart the love phenomenon out of fear, that it will face another failure.
There are of course some couples that are able to grow in their love affairs and make it till the end, but ultimately men and women must stress out to respect and accept the differences in order to make love blossom and last.
Only through much understanding of the opposite sexes’ differences will successfully implement to give and receive the loves from our heart.
Do remember, by validating and accepting the differences between men and women will sort out to discover creative solutions in getting the results that both sexes want.
Men and women must sort out the real differences in order to produce love and care to support each another to maintain the true magical lasting love so analyses “the opposite sexes’ differences” is important.

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Relationship Siren

How many of us realise or aware women and men are supposed to different and are at odds with each another?
How a divorce does begin?
Without realising the important truth, we tend to get frustrated and angry with the opposite sex.
Actually it is just we want the opposite sex to agree to our feelings; get what we want; do what we want them to do; and to follow our desires and commands.
It is wrongly assume that if someone loves you; they will behave like us, act like us or follow our ways of living.
Having such attitude, we are denied or being prevent ourselves from taking into consideration by giving more necessary time to communicate and check the differences within both sexes.
Therefore it sets up disappointment after another and mistakenly expects the opposite sex to behave, talk, understand, communicate, feel and respond like each another.
As a matter of fact, because of the natural differences, the relationship starts to be filled up with undesirable conflicts and frictions.
To reduce such confusion, it is important to clearly recognize in respecting such differences while dealing with the opposite sex.
Do not forget, God created men as Adam and women as Eve so everything had to be sort out and to be well explained.
To eradicate the mistakes, we need to explore both sexes’ values which are inherently difference and not to make mistake by offering solutions and invalidate feelings while another side offers unsolicited advices, command and directions.
So by checking the differences, we will be able to immediately make up responses to each another with more productive methods.
Instead of feeling being “what is so bothering in our relationship” both sexes need to create some strategies to do away with conflicts at times.
It will be a great challenge that the male know how to overcome their resistance in giving love to the opposite sex and the female must also need to overcome their resistance in receiving love.

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