Once upon a time when women meet men together, it is already known to have a lot of problems and encounters because both recognized their differences in nature.
But somehow or rather they also manage to solve their problems and the secret of success is to have “good communication”.
Even though having differences and speaking alien dialects, and when problems show they will seek for a translator for assistance to translate their feelings.
Yes! We are different, noted by both women and men but when conflicts starts, it did not start to judge or fight rather will dig out their dictionary to settle the scores.
Actually their words are the same, expressing in similar ways too, or make know their feelings with different meanings.
Between male and female each has different connotations or emotional emphasis, so misinterpreting with each another is easily discovered.
As misunderstanding communication emerged, both male and female assumed that it is one of those expected misunderstandings and with some assistance from their interpreter (family members or good friends) surely will helps to reconciled and they will start to experience a trust and acceptance.
The expressing feeling versus expressing information between men and women seldom mean the same things even when they use the same word; such as when a woman say “I feel like you never listen” and she does not take the word “never” literally.
Women using the word “never” are actually a way of expressing their frustration she is feeling at the moment and should not be taken as it were factual information.
To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license and always use various superlatives, metaphors and generalizations making men mistakenly take these expressions literally.
And because male and female misunderstand the intended meaning, they commonly react in an unsupportive manner.
These are the expression and words which are easily misinterpreted and just how well men might respond unsupportively.
What women used to say and how well men will answer;
"We never go out” men answer; “that is not true, we were out just last week”.
"My friends and working partners ignores me” men answer; “I am quite sure there are others that will notice you”.
"I am very tired and cannot do anything” men answer; “That is ridiculous to say that and you are helpless”.
"Our house is just dirty and messy” men answer: no it is not at all, you are fussy about everything”
"Why no one listens to me anymore?” men answer: “Wrong! I am listening to you now”.
"Nothing seems to be working right” men answer; “are you trying to say it is my fault?”
"I feel you do not love me anymore, right!” men answer; “nonsense! Than what am I here to stay for? Of course I do love you”
"Why we are always in hurry to do things?” men answer; “No! We are not, I feel relaxed, this is Friday and next day is weekend already”.
"I want to enjoy more romance” men answer; “are you saying that I am not romantic enough for you!”
As you can notice, this is how a “literal” translation of the females words which could easily lead to a lot of misunderstanding for the male which only use speech as a way if conveying only facts and information.
In such situation, we can see how men’s responses which may lead to argument, that can be avoid, if words are probably express.
We must agree that unclear and loving message and communication conveyed between both partners is the most crucial problems in a relationship.
Most often compliant from women such as; “I am not heard” or I do not feel heard” even this simple expression can be misunderstood and misinterpreted.
While men’s literal translation of “I do not feel heard” may leads him to invalidate and have the urge to argue with her feelings because he thinks actually he has heard what she said.
A translation of women’s compliant “I do not feel heard” to men it means and interpret literally as; “I feel as though that you do not fully understand what my meaning is or do you care how I feel or would you show to me that you are interested in what I say?”.
In other word, it mean if men can really understood women’s compliant than there will be less argument and less argument means the relationship is healthy.
When both partners are on the verge of argument they are in general having misunderstanding and at such situation it will be better to rethink and translate the compliant correctly.
The main reason is many men do not understand that women express their feelings differently, they later inappropriately judge or invalidate women’s feelings which lead to unnecessary argument.
We should in fact learn the way of ancient couples (in the old days, the word “divorce” is seldom heard) they always stress out their feelings directly and correctly to avoid arguments.
And whenever listening or any misinterpretation emerged, they will consult each another or seek out the score with their family members or good friends to thrash out their expressions.
We must put in view that women’s compliant also contain hints for men to respond in their way of thinking.
When women gets upset, they will use general and common phrases in their own dramatic language and at the same time is also seeking for support.Women may not like to directly seek for support because in their female world, this is their way of communication and expect men to accept and think alike in their expressions.
Making women feel truly heard and to be loved, men should try to recognize their hidden message or request, than must respond as accordingly to relieve them of frustrations.
Below stated are definitions or you may call them as “partner’s phrase dictionary” which may help both men and women to understand their expression to eradicate to avoid further arguments.
"We never go out” should be translated to men as; I feel like having an outing with you and doing things we like and have fun together; what do you think? How about taking me to dinner? It had been days already we are not together dining happily.
Without such translation, when women say “We never go out” and to men it can be misunderstood as; that they are not performing their relationship duties; we never have fun together anymore because you so lazy, unromantic and staying home is boring; you disappoint me.
"My friends and working partners ignores me” should be translated to men as; today I really feel not being acknowledged; I am being ignored; I feel nobody notice me at all; Of course! There are people noticing me but they do not seems to care; I am feeling disappointed with your busy schedule but really appreciate your hard working to earn, but then sometimes I feel I am not of important to you; I am afraid that your job is more important than me and Darling, would you give me a kiss and hug; tell me how special I am to you.Without such translation, when women say “My friends and working partners ignores me” and to men it can be misunderstood as; that she is complaining about being unhappy; She cannot get the attention she needs; and everything seems hopeless; even you do not love me, which you suppose to do and never notice my being; you should feel ashamed; why are so unloving?; I did not ignore you this way and why you do so.
"I am very tired and cannot do anything” should be translated to men as; I have been doing a lot of work today; You know I need rest before I can start to do other work; I feel lucky to have your full support; How about giving a hug and appreciate that I had been working very hard lately; that I deserve to have a good rest.
Without such translation, when women say “I am very tired and cannot do anything” and to men it can be misunderstood as; I do everything at home and you are lazy just watching your favorite games; you should help me out by doing more; I cannot do all for you; I feel hopeless with you; choosing you is my big mistake; and I should have chosen a better man to live with.
"I want to forget everything” should be translated to men as; Actually I want you to know that I love my daily work and my life but today I am so overwhelmed; I want to be responsible to you so I need to do something that is nurturing to be myself; How about asking me what is the matter with you?; please listen to me with empathy and do not offer to me your solutions; I just want you to know and understand I have too much pressure which will makes me feel better; will you help me to relax?; I shall be myself again tomorrow.
Without such translation, when women say ‘I want to forget everything” and to men it can be misunderstood as; I have to do so much which is not my lifestyle; I am not happy with our relationship; you are doing a terrible job which I do not like; hope I can get a partner who can be more fulfilling to me.
"Our house is just dirty and messy” should be translated to men as; today the house looks messy but still I feel relax; I feel frustrated and need to relax; really hope that you will not expect me to clean up all the mess; would you agree in helping me to clean up part of the mess?;
Without such translation, when women say “Our house is just dirty and messy” and to men it can be misunderstood as; the house is messy just because of you; I try to clean up every [lace and before so, you mess it up again; I feel you are a lazy slob; go clean up or clear out from here.
"Why no one listens to me anymore?” should be translated to men as; I am afraid that you feel I am boring and what if you are no longer interested in me; am I being too sensitive today?; how about giving me some attention because I love so; I have a tough day and nobody in my circle wants to listen to me; how about asking me by being supportive and keep asking what had happened?; ask me how do I feel, what I want, how can I help you; also be supportive by saying that you care for my affairs, say words like “tell me more’, or I really understand; also can you just by listening with exclamation sounds like “ooh no”, : "why like that”, “humppp”, or “uh – ohh’ when I paused in between?; women love this sort of attention from her partner.
Without such translation, when women say “Why no one listens to me anymore?” and to men it can be misunderstood as; you may hear about my bad day and yet you are not paying attention at all; you are used to it and always a boring person; I want someone who is really act exciting, interesting and you are definitely not that person; you really disappointed me with bad manners, uncaring and selfish actions.
"Nothing seems to be working right” should be translated to men as; Darling, today I am so overwhelmed and feel grateful to have my feeling with you which helps me feel better; today it seems nothing is working well or right; I should know it is not true but I am has the feeling this way when I get overwhelmed by all the things that I had to do; how about kiss and hug me and say that I am doing a great job which will makes me feel better and good.
Without such translation, when women say “Nothing seems to be working right” and to men it can be misunderstood as; you are not doing things in the right way and cannot trust you; if I have not been listening to your solution I will not end up in this mess; do you know that for other men they would have fix things nicely but instead you made thing becoming worse.
"I feel you do not love me anymore, right!” should be translated to men as; today I have a feeling that you do not love anymore; I am afraid that I have push you away; I know that you really love me as you had done so much for me; today I am feeling unsecured about our relationship; please say those three little magic words “I love you” and will assure me of your love again.
Without such translation, when women say “I feel you do not love me anymore, right!” and to men it can be misunderstood as; I actually given my best years of my life and yet receive nothing from you; you just used me, you are very selfish and cold hearted; you never care for anyone only to yourself; I feel like a fool loving you all these years and now I have nothing left.
"Why we are always in hurry to do things?” should be translated to men as; Darling I do not like rushing; I hope and wish our life should not be hurried; I know that it is not a fault of ours and certainly do not blame you at all; I really appreciate that you care in trying to get to the place on time; How about you empathized me by saying that you also do not like rushing or being wanted to be hurried either.
Without such translation, when women say ‘Why we are always in hurry to do things? and to men it can be misunderstood as; why are you so irresponsible; you always wait until the last minute in doing things; how can I be happy with you?; why are we always rushing to avoid being late?; I feel so much happier without your presence.
"I want to enjoy more romance” should be translated to men as; Darling you had been working so much lately why not go out to have some fun with ourselves?; I do really feel relaxed when kids are not around and no more work pressure to be on our own; I feel you are so romantic; how about buying some flowers and date me because I love romance;
Without such translation, when women say “I want to enjoy more romance” and to men it can be misunderstood as; you cannot satisfy me anymore and cannot turned me on at all; your romantic skills are inadequate; you seldom fulfill me; how I wish you could be like other men I know.
Finally, if both men and women can use these definitions or phrase dictionary, obviously will improve the relationship and will not have any unnecessary arguments.
They will not criticize or blame each another anymore instead will become more accepting and understanding.
Men will begin to understand how women feel and think, so will not take these kind of dramatic phrase literally.
This is the way how women feel so be aware and do not misunderstand what your spouse say, just re-phrase it and bring forth harmony in your relationship.
Another Gossip Site