Saturday, December 4, 2010

Listening To Each Another

Truthfully speaking, if men do not understand that women are different, a lot matters can get out of hand or making it worse.
What men have to remember is women like to talk about problems to get closer relationship and not necessary seeking for solutions.
Do you know that women love to or want to share her day?
But men normally want to help his spouse often interrupt the conversation with an offer of solutions to her problems, just ignoring whether she is pleased or not at times.
Let us think, for an example;
Jane goes to work than comes home look exhausted with too much job and needs to share her feelings of the day.
She will just say, “Oh! There is too much workload and left no more time for myself”.
Than her husband, Jim exclaimed “well leave the job, if you find it so tough and seek for others that you like”.
Jane replied, “but I love this job, it is just they are expecting and pushing too much work with very short notice”.
Jim says, “Why should you accept so much work, just do what you can, and that is all”.
Jane replied, “I am just doing that, ah I even forget to call my sick cousin and she is expecting me”.
Jim says, “Well! Do not worry too much; she will understand you are working”.
Jane replied, “Not to worry, that is what you say, do you know that she is sick and she needs me”.
Jim says, “It is just because you worry too much and makes you unhappy all the time”.
Jane relied, “I am not unhappy. Why are you not listening to what I say?”
Jim says, “Who say I am not listening?”
So after this conversation between this couples, Jane become more frustrate actually she is seeking intimacy and companionship.
Jim, also felt uneasy and frustrated too but had no idea actually what went wrong because his is trying to offer the problem solving tactics that did not work out well.
So, it was Jim who did not understand about Jane’s feelings and try to offer unsolicited solutions without listening which make the situation goes wrong.
But women is just the opposite, they will not offer solutions while someone is talking instead will honor to listen patiently with empathy which is to truly looking to understand the other’s feelings.
Now, what if Jim listen with empathy to allow Jane express her feelings that of course, will bring forth tremendous relief and will not hurt both party’s feelings.
The situation will be like this;
Jane comes home exhausted and tired and would say, Oh! “There is so much for me to do at the office and have no extra time left”.
Jim looking relaxes and says, well! “Sounds like you are having a tough day”.
Jane relied, ‘they expect me to finish everything within a short notice and I do not know what to do”.
Jim says, “Oh, no they should not push you too much”.
Jane replied, “I even forget to call my cousin who is sick”.
Jim says, “So sorry to hear that”.
Jane replied, ‘she really needs me now, and I feel so bad about it”.
Jim hearing this move forward and give Jane a kiss and says, “You are such a caring and lovely person”.
Then, Jane feel relax in Jim’s cuddle and says, “I love talking to you because you listen to my problems and thanks, I really feel better now”.
In such conversation both party will feel better and Jim was amazed to see the result of listening first without giving any solutions or remark.
With the awareness of their differences, Jane also realized and learned the lesson of letting it go with acceptance and not to offer unsolicited advice or heavy constructive criticism anymore.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Female Values

Female on the other hand also have different values which consist of love, beauty care, and relationship, feelings and spouse communication spending a lot of time in nurturing, helping and supporting with one another.
Their sense of self is mostly through feelings, quality of relationship and love experience fulfillment through relating with sharing nature.
Women reflects upon these values rather than thinking of being involve in what men value most in outdoor activities, sports, ambitious career, goals and achievements in life.
They are in most ways is opposite to men because women are more concerned in harmony, family matters, community and loving co=operation.
To most women relationship is more important than technology, business or work and love to dress up accordingly to their feelings.
The female may even because of their personal expression and feelings change their outfits numerous times a day just to be comfortable at heart.
Their primary importance is communication but to share her feelings is far more important than just achieving business success and goals.
Narrating events, exchange of conversation and relating is considering another source of great fulfillment.
As for men it is hard to comprehend, he may get closer to understand a woman’s experience of talking, sharing and relating and to compare him rather want to win a race or achieve his goals.
Between the two sexes, men are more goals oriented whereas women are just concern about being relationship oriented but both are also will express their love, goodness and care.
Now, read the difference between male and female values; when two men go to lunch, what will they discuss?
It will be something like discussing on closing a business deal or things regarding about their personal goals.
When two women go to lunch, what will they talk about?
They will take it as an opportunity to nurture a relationship, giving supportive advice, very openly, intimate, shopping, narrating their family affairs or rather behave like a therapist discussing with clients.
Female are gifted in psychology and counseling because being very involved in personal growth, spirituality and everything that nurture life and healing.
Throughout the centuries, women are very intuitive and have developed this ability in anticipating the needs of others.
They pride on being considerate of needs, requirements and feeling of others also often offer help with assistance to others without request.
To a woman giving and receiving help is not a sign of weakness and proving one’s competence is not important by their nature.
A man will in difference, when a woman offer help or assistance, it seems that she does not trust he has the ability to make the fulfillment.
Whereas, for the female they have no conception of the male sensitivity, when someone offer help is just like adding value which make her feel loved and cherished.
When a woman loved her man, she will somehow give advices, suggestions because it is their nature is to improve things.
To most women, when offering advice, strong constructive criticism and looking for more space of improvement is an act of their love to her man,
Men are different, when his spouse tries to make improvement for him, it will be neither ignored or feel humiliated in a way and mistakenly thinks she is just assisting him to grow.
As for the female without this insight into the male’s nature will very easy unknowingly and unintentionally offends and hurts her most beloved man.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Males Values

Men value more on power, efficiency, competency and achievement and often performing to prove them while at the same time will develop and show off their power and skills.
The male sense of self is defined through their ability and experience to achieve success, accomplishment with proven results and makes men the dominant party.
Everything in the men’s world is a reflection of the mentioned values even in their working life, dress up and interest.
More than often men are interested and concerned with outdoor activities, objects and favorite things rather than about people and feelings.
They seldom read romantic, people’s life magazine or self-help books but will be delighted with news, racing, fishing, technologies or more fantasies to lighten up their lifestyles.
Men are more preoccupied with matters like gaining power and creating results in achieving their goals.
In practice, they love to achieve goals by themselves because it is very important for him to prove his competence which makes him feel good.
It is their pride because other people cannot achieve for them and to them autonomy is a symbol of power, efficiency and competence.
This is the reason why men refused and resist women to correct them in their customized way of conduct.
Offering unsolicited advice may that they know nothing or nor capable in handling their problems.
He is very sensitive in this case because competence is so important to them.
Men always think alike, “When I can handle things myself why seek advice and assistance from other people” because asking help is perceived as a sign of weakness.
Male counterpart will only seek advice upon invitation because they keep things to themselves and while another man will feel honored if given the opportunity to provide advice.
Whereas, men usually give advice to their wife who actually wanted to discuss about problems and not merely asking for men’s offered solutions.
But men give advice is because they thought that this is the way to show love trying to help which hopefully will make his wife feel better and he is useful to her.
So the differences and misunderstanding comes in which the wife is not accepting or asking for solutions but needs to solve her upset problems and when this happen the men will feel increasingly useless because his solutions are rejected by her.
Practically, women want men to just listen with empathy, interest and be supportive at all times, nor inviting men to provide just a solution.

Another Site To Read