Learning To Give

Male’s deepest fear is that they are not good enough or that he is incompetent.

They will practice to compensate for this fear by focusing on to increase their power and competence.
The foremost importance in their life is achievement, success and efficiency.
Before their encounter to know about women, men are so concerned with these qualities that they do not care about anything or anybody.
Men appear most uncaring when they feel afraid, and women are also are afraid of asking to receive.
As for the male they afraid, they are reluctant to give until they feel comfortable.
What he feels is that to extend in giving to others which could means taking risk in failing, making a lot of corrections and disapproving in matters.
The consequences that he is facing are painful, because deep inside their consciousness contain an incorrect belief that he is still not good enough.
These incorrect beliefs were formed and reinforce into his mindset as a child when being advised by their parents, teachers or family that he must always be expected to perform better.
Especially when his achievements went unnoticed or unappreciated which again cause deep beliefs that he is still not good enough, right! And become particularly venerable to these incorrect beliefs.
He want to practice giving, there is fear which generate inn his mind, “the fear of failing” so end of the day, he did not even try.
Let say, if the male’s biggest fear is inadequacy, it is naturally for him to avoid any unnecessary risks.
Practically when a man really cares a lot, it increases his fear and which make to give less even to love ones in order to avoid failure.
Soundly to mention, if a male feels unsecured, he may start to compensate by not caring for others except himself.
There, they start to automatically create a defensive response of “I don’t care” that is all and for this reason they would not allow themselves to care too much for others.
Unless when he became very successful and powerful, only will finally realize that he is good enough which make him to practice in giving care to his love ones.
Even though the male is has always been good enough, it is during the process of proving their power which prepared him for the wisdom of self- esteem.
After through success and when looking back, he will start to realize that his failure was necessary to achieve their later success.
Every minor mistakes had taught him an important lesson which is necessary to achieve their lifetime goals thus make him feel he is already good enough.
For men’s first step in learning how to give more must accept the fact that making mistakes is alright, failing in their moves is acceptable and must admit in not having all answers.
During my younger days I had happened to meet one of my schoolmate (a girl) who used to complain that her partner never attempt to make any commitment to a marriage.
To this female schoolmate of mine seemed to feel that her partner never really cares.
Until, one day when she said to her partner; that I am happy to be with you, even you are not rich and will stay with him always; this motivate her partner and the next thing he start to propose for her to be his wife.
This example clearly indicate that men need the acceptance and encouragement that he is really good enough which will make him feel he want to take care of her.
Similarly, just as women are sensitive in feeling rejected when they do not get the attention they require so men are sensitive in feeling that they failed when women start to talk and discuss about problems.
And this is the cause for why men find so hard to listen sometimes when women talk because they want to be her hero instead.
When they find their woman feels unhappy or disappointed over things, it makes man feel like it is his fault and his failure in not being able to overseer her problems.
This is another factor which confirms that her unhappiness is due to he is not good enough and will create deeper fears.
In a relationship most women did not realized how venerable men are and how much is their urge to be loved, because when women give loves it help the male to believe that they are good enough to fulfill any quest.
During the upbringing, when a child who is fortunate enough to see his father succeed in fulfilling his mother needs when enter into adult ship  will be equipped with a rare confidence that he also can be the same in fulfilling his partner’s requirement.
At such a stage, he will not feel terrify because he knows that he can deliver and will understand that even he fails, he is still adequate and deserve love and appreciation for trying his best.
Then he will not condemn himself because it is make known that nothing is perfect, he is actin doing his best and that is good enough.
He will apologise for not being able to fulfill or mistakes and in return he expect forgiveness, love and appreciation for trying at his best.
For he knows that everybody makes mistakes, his parents too, after which continuing to love himself as he had watched his mother being very forgiving when the father makes mistakes.
He feels her trust and encouragement even at times she is being disappointed by his father.
Most men do not have the opportunity to have a role model during their childhood or adult hood while growing up.

Men without any role model or cohabitation training will find it is difficult for them to stay in love, getting married and having a family which is similar to like flying a jumbo jet which can take off but is sure to crash especially when not given any manual training.
And after a few times of crashes in a relationship or witness own parent’s crashing will create negative attitudes, that is the cause and reason why many couple gave up or end up in a divorce.

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