Men as if by nature usually resist when women start talking to them about their problems and assume that the opposite sex is holding them responsible.
Actually the male did not realize that female will feel relief, better and will appreciate if being attentive to listen when talking to him.
Why men do not want to listen when women talk?
Because when the female is upset, male assume that she is blaming him and if less upset the assumption will be seeking advice.
Normally what happen is, when women ask for advice it means men have to solve the problems.
If men assume she is blaming him then he had to draw up his defense to protect from attack.
Female would just love to continue talking more and more problems when male provide solution after solution trying to make them feel better.
Men will feel rejected and unappreciated if women after receiving solutions still do not feel good or better.
At such, do you think the male will like to listen to female talk?
It is normal, when women start attacking; men will defend by explaining without realizing it is not the explanations required, instead she want him to understand her feelings.
Such actions will make the female more upset, so if the opposite sex is wise, just listen first allow her to complain later on she will change the subject.
But women must not bring up problems that men cannot solve, because it will make them frustrated and will heat up ending in argument.
Smart female can always use diplomatic approach.
It can be expressing their worries, frustrations and disappointments, letting him to understand it are merely to feel relief.
Too many details in the women talk will also make men impatient because they will assume she is pushing for immediate solution.
In addition, male always look for the bottom line and the outcome otherwise he cannot formulate solution, so she must try to simplified details in her talk.
There is way to avoid making men frustrated is to give advance outcome of the complaint and provide details later.
Do not keep him in suspense although most female love letting suspense build because it can create more feeling in their story.
It will be alright to do so with other women but not for men, it makes them feel frustrated.
It will be wise, if the male can tolerate to listen to her complains, so that she can feel being cared, supported and understood with ease.
Furthermore, if men learn more how to fulfill a woman by emotional support, he will discover that listening to her talk is not so difficult after all.
Critically, it is more important that women must remind that men are not blamed or have to solve their problems.
But just wish to talk in order to feel relief and good.
Such understanding will make men more relax to listen to women talk.
For both partners to live together in peace, it must make to understand and respect individual natural differences.
It mean men must understand that women release their tension by openly talk and she also must realise he need to go in retreat to cope stress.
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Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
When men feel stressful, what they do is to make a retreat for his mind to focus upon their most difficult problems.
While focusing on how to solve their problems, they temporary lose awareness of everything that surround them even responsibilities fade into the background.
Especially at home they tend to become forgetful, make distant from family, unresponsive because they are too preoccupied and focused on their difficult – to – solve - problems.
At such stress gripped period, they may even be incapable to pay their normal attention to their wives and neglect husbandry duties because he is powerless to release the problems.
Men need a transition with only 5% left and 95% of their mind stuck with finding solutions.
Therefore they will try to create some activities like watching world news or hoping their favorite sport team can win the game.
This process may help to sway their problems away temporary until solutions are found that will release the stressful grip.
Once released from tension and stress, it will become normal and back to their same old self to focus on family matters.
So, once again, men always find their own ways to release their stress rather than discussing with others to ask for solutions.
But do not forget, women who were neglected, ignored, no communication, no laughter, no normal lovely gestures and inattentive at home, how would they react?
Obviously, it will be difficult to accept such behaviors, but they are not to blamed because it were not make known to them how serious is the problem.
If the male will to express, discuss and talk about all their problems, the female can be more compassionate.
By the face expression, they know that men are having some kind of problems.
But without any idea about the problem women can mistakenly feel that their man is not caring or loving them anymore.
And they will feel that men are not open enough to talk about problems which they always do when encountering with problems.
This hurt the women’s feelings and they will start to resent and resist harshly demand their rights with the uncaring and inattentive men.
On the other side, how can female expect their problem riddled male to be instantly responsive and be lovingly?
It is just alike, will it being unrealistic to expect upset women to remain calm, be rational, be logical and come to their sense?
Well, at such situations, this can really stir and spark up troubles once men start to defend their behaviors.
Now, if women can correctly understand the reaction, this is men’s coping stress mechanism.
Instead keep counting on behaviors and by co-operating and resisting women will get what they expect.
Similarly, what if men can realize their behaviors and reactions while suffering stress which can affect their relationship?
They should practice compassion and narrate their present difficulties to release further tensions.
Male must remember ignoring the female invite troubles to cause frictions.
Because women will take it personally although coping stress in retreat is helpful but will not help her to alleviate the pain.
It is important for men to validate women’s feelings and needs to understand’ about her right.
She has the right to mention about feelings of being ignored and unresponsive just as men has their own right to retreat without talking.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Men usually when get upset do not like to talk about what is bothering them.
They will try at all stances not burden their friends or family rather stay put to solve their problems, unless it is necessary otherwise he will plan a retreat privately.
At his private retreat, he will probably pound over how to look for solutions to eradicate his bothering problems.
It is only when solutions been found, and then the male will crawl from their private retreat with much better feelings.
If men are unable to find the solutions that required solving their problems, they tend to look for some other activities to disengage his mind temporary.
And if the stress is too great they may look for more exciting thrills or challenging activities to disengage the mind to make them feel temporary relax until those problems are solved.
On the other side, when women become upset or feel stressed by their daily routines or workload either at home or office, what will they do?
They would probably seek to call their trusted and reliable friends or family members to talk about their problems in details.
Differently, when women share their feelings of being overwhelmed, funny enough, they will feel better and relax.
Practically, for the female to share her problems is not shameful and not classified as a burden, instead it is considered as a sign of love and trust.
Women’s ego is dependent on looking competent but more favor in loving relationships.
They love to be open sharing their feelings of confusion, hopeless, overwhelmed and exhausted.
Now the different feelings clearly defined that men feels better and good when they solve their problems in confinement.
Women will feel better and relax when they shared their problems openly with their loyal lovely friends or family members.
This natural phenomenon of feeling good is common and applicable in every relationship.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Both sexes have much difference in coping with stress they accumulated in their daily lives which is unavoidable in the human world.
The difference is men can become increasingly focused and withdrawn to their shell, while women will increasingly overwhelmed and getting more emotionally involved.
Male by nature feel better in solving their problems while the opposite sex likes to talk about problems to make them feel good.
If both sexes do not understand each another well and to accept these differences will create frictions to their relationship which may cause separation later on.
Typically, let us define how the differences can cause painful events by looking into the common happening.
Jim comes home looking tired and stress will want to sit quietly at one corner to read newspaper because of his unsolved problems and try to find relief to temporary forget them.
Jane at the same time also want to feel relax from her stressful day but wish to relief by talking about her problems she is facing.
At such situation, tension can grow between them, because Jim found Jane is talking too much and feels uneasy to listen to them as his problems are not solve yet.
Jane, while talking receive no response or getting negative reply will start to feel that she is being ignored by Jim, so here is how often fire can spark off.
So the misunderstanding start to begin because they did not know the differences between the two opposite sexes thus will cause them to drift apart.
Such situations are very common and is recognize, it happen to almost every relationship that are at odds.
To solve the problem between Jim and Jane does not only depend on how much they love each another.
But is how much they get to understand their natural differences and the understanding in order to prevent further relationship being torn apart.
If male and female understand the differences between them, they will not make mistakes that can hurt or offend the relationship thus improving their cohabitation as husband and wife.
Men must not offer unsolicited solutions to solve problems without listening to the opposite sex.
Women must not offer unsolicited advice or constructive criticism to make men feel inferior.
The above mentioned mistakes do not mean that everything is wrong with both sexes because these are very positive attributes in life; it is just the right approach or wrong timing.
The female will greatly appreciate when male listen to their problems when they are upset and not to offer solutions instantly.
But just talk about it, then gradually women will feel better unlike mechanical things, you need to fix and repair.
Men alike will greatly appreciate when women refrain from pressing for improvement, giving unsolicited advices or heavy criticism which can make them feel unloved and being controlled.
They would love her acceptance but not her advice in order to learn from their mistakes.
Once men feel that she is not forcing him to improve, they are more likely turning back for feedback and solicited advice.
Knowing the differences will make it easy to be more supportive, respecting each another’s sensitiveness.
And in addition to this we are able to identify why our partner resist us and to avoid making mistakes in wrong approach and timing.